First & foremost.. thanks for popping by. I appreciate the minutes you’ve invested in learning more about Fuelled by Feeling and why we’re here.
In all honesty, the blog exists because there’s a lot going on in my mind and this is the 2nd best way I know how to get it out: learnings through written communication. For me, the BEST way to sift through my mind maze is through verbal communication - I’ll walk and talk to myself any chance I get. If you see me with headphones in and I’m chatting, 10/10 there’s nobody on the other line. There’s my secret out of the bag.
Here’s our first lil blurb and something that hit home hard over the past 6 weeks.
Slow is F A S T
6 weeks ago I was absolutely tapped - my energy was at an all-time low. Every morning I’d wake up with tears running down my face, no energy to pick myself up, and wanted to throw everything up in the air without any promise of catching it. I fully lost my power.
I was scared.
I was desperate to feel better
And I felt completely out of the drivers seat on this one.
There was such a deep knowing that this molasses I was trecking through was more than a mental/emotional state shift - this was my body’s physiological ask for help. So I had two options - and they were pressing - listen, or don’t. Two very important people in my life stood for me and offered me a list of things to do and things I needed (I don’t say that word lightly) to stop. In sum, I needed to pull back and truly go slow. At this point I was in a constant state of fight or flight and my parasympathetic system wasn’t able to regulate accordingly. I’d run out of breath teaching classes, my emotional regulation was all over the place, and I’d sleep for hours after teaching a couple classes. The feelings coupled to those symptoms are almost indescribable. I felt so alone yet yearned to feel so close.
So I chose to listen, to pull back, and it was completely against my grain. I reduced the amount of classes and clients I took on, how much running around I’d do in a day, people I’d see, and I completely stopped working out at vigorous intensities (i.e: no classes, no in-studio training).
Naturally, it was hard. I pivoted away from everything I identified so closely with - moving fast, riding a constant wave of momentum, training hard, crafting next steps for Fuelled by Feeling, and spending lots of minutes with those I love. And ultimately, this time gifted me the opportunity to re-appreciate all the reasons why I started in the first place. I moved slower, took my time, and got comfortable with doing less. Slowly but surely, my power started coming back. At first, my power looked like staying up all day with sufficient energy levels; others it was holding a conversation on a walk without loosing my breath; sometimes it looked like a barefoot workout in a field somewhere.
So here we are 6 weeks after that turning point - I’m standing in my redefined power. I’m moving intentionally, patiently, and reminding myself that my 100% is not a fixed performance.
I share this story with you for a couple of reasons and maybe one of them speaks to you.
I had to pivot my benchmark and re-create a new cadence to live at - slow is my new fast. At my lowest point I thought to myself: Why is this happening? I’ve always operated at this threshold and nothing bad ever came of it. But evidently this benchmark I normalized was no longer serving me. This pivot was essential for me and maybe there’s an opportunity to ask yourself: Is there a necessary shift I need to make?
This is my 100% today and it’s damn perfect. I was hard on myself getting up this morning. My thoughts walking to work were: ‘fuck Gabs, you feel slow today; your energy is lower than yesterday’. Then I reminded myself.. my energy levels are not a fixed performance. 6 weeks ago, I’d give almost anything to have the energy I do today.
I lost my power and I stepped back into it. Know that loosing my power felt like trying to catch water with my bare hands. I couldn’t really see a time where I’d be re-acquainted with it again. Yet, here we are - and man oh man did it take a village. I needed my people to hold me - because I sure as shit couldn’t do it at that point. There were a lot of people who offered their ears, their hearts, suggestions, etc. and I appreciate it all endlessly (you know who you are). So maybe if you’re at a crossroads and can’t stand for you, please reach out to the people who make you feel at home and maybe there’s opportunity to reach out to someone who’ll lend their hands & heart.
As time passed, I slowly, but surely came back to why I started - and I know you can too.
With little letters and big feelings,
All my love,